Bark-y Dogs

I am a highly sensitive person to loud noises in general—honking, sirens, a screaming child, a smoke alarm that I can’t disassemble. But the most offensive of all loud noises is a dog that just won’t SHUT THE FUCK UP and an owner who does FUCK ALL about it. 

I LOVE dogs SO much. Big ones, little ones, ugly ones, rowdy ones etc. etc. forever. But if they bark non-stop on a consistent basis I will take them to the pound in the middle of the night while you slumber. 

Look, I get it. Sometimes your dog is just a little twat and despite your best efforts you cannot make him/her chill out and believe that removing their bark box would be inhumane. And when you adopt a dog it’s a literal Russian roulette on what kind of personality you’re going to receive. But if you’ve had your dog, adopted or not, since it was a PUPPY, then any unsavory behavior is on YOU. You should’ve trained them better! 

I had a talent manager years ago that worked out of her house. She had two of those white little gremlin dogs that always have red eye gunk in their corneas and they would BARK AND BARK AND BARK at me the whole time I was there. She would calmly and gently tell them to quiet down maybe once every sixteen minutes. Otherwise she just let them go WILD while I tried to talk over their noise. 

I mean can you IMAGINE?! This must be like those parents that are able to just block their kid out while they are throwing a temper tantrum because it happens so frequently. I understand the learning process of not giving it attention, but when you are in PUBLIC or you have COMPANY you better FIGURE OUT A NEW METHOD. Strangers and friends shouldn’t have to suffer through that torture. 

If you have a bark-y dog, do not bring that dog ANYWHERE outside of your house. These people that bring their aggressive little canines out to coffee/brunch with them only to have to try and wrangle and shush them with every other passing dog that goes by, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! That not only sucks for everyone else around you, but for YOU too, fam! Leave that poor pooch at home with a chew toy and free rein to bark at the mailman in peace! 

I know, I know, they’re only able to be controlled within a certain framework. But dogs, unlike many other animal species, are so TRAINABLE. So, get on it, Sally!