The Woke Police

I wish everyone could just shut the fuck up these days—says the girl with a blog who never stops complaining #hypocrite. Yo, at least I am AWARE that I am insufferably opinionated 75% of the time. 

But seriously, everyone has way too much time on their hands and heavy-handed thoughts in their brain. I blame the Covid lockdowns, which caused a domino effect of more people working from home, doing less, thinking more, being alone too often, having more social media, and believing that they need to feel offended for everyone else.

Here’s the thing—if someone tells me a comment that I made is offensive to them directly because of their race, sex, gender, origin, etc. i.e. REALLY highly charged, sensitive, and potentially historically oppressive traits that they have no control over, then I am more than happy to have a LEARN and omit certain language/jokes/terms from my lexicon.  

But if you are just CHOOSING to see something I said that is not deliberately inflammatory as problematic to a group of people you don’t even belong to, then you can just FUCK ALL THE WAY OFF. Because how tf would you know whether those people even care?! Why should I be walking on eggshells for your second hand sensitivities?!  Sure, we should be allies to others to a CERTAIN POINT. But once you start policing other peoples’ language just because you are bored and looking for a fight then YOU ARE THE PROBLEM. Full Stop. 

And by the way, if I belong to a certain type of people, and most especially if that type is privileged, I am allowed to make fun of it. White, blonde haired, blue eyed people are ALL THE WAY on the table for me to joke about. And if you have a problem with that you can take it up with the IDGAF department the head of which is yours truly. BYE. 

A white person decided to have a very soapbox-y discourse with me in my DMs about a previous blog post I made because I compared white privilege to nepotism. They said that my metaphor was “messy” and troublesome and I was like, TO WHOM?! Fucking white people who need to be taken down a few notches or to nepotism kids who also need to be taken down a few notches?! The fucking NERVE of people is honestly HILARIOUS.  

My absolute favorite term that has been banned from being said these days is “gyped,” also known as swindled, because it is offensive to GYPSIES. GYPSIES, you guys. As in, the badass people who unapologetically roam the earth freely doing whatever the fuck they want. I’m sorry, but where are the gypsies that are offended by this? They don’t even really exist in a true form anymore. And if they did, I’m pretty sure they would laugh at you for being mad about this, all the while distracting you from the fact that they just stole your wallet. Oh, but they are in your family lineage? MMmmmmkay. If you want to be offended on behalf of your ancestors, then fine. I can just say swindled instead. But, my brother in Christ, you making a mountain out of a molehill is the bigger problem.  

There was a Twitter thread that I regrettably found myself glued to yesterday about how not liking children is “ableist” because they do not yet have fully formed brains and can’t control their tantrums and less than desirable behavior. LOLOLOLOL FOREVER. But it got SO MUCH WORSE from there, with each new person not only piling on to the original poster, but adding new -isms and -ist terms to each new commenter. My favorite comment was from a Twitter user whose handle is SO fittingly named “AggressivelyCaring” which read: “again, you don’t have to like spending time with kids or wanting them. This is not about wanting to be around kids, it’s about recognizing how their oppression and exclusion is rooted in ableism, eugenics, white supremacy, and capitalism.” 

I’m sorry but, WUT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! I can assure you, as someone who was once a child, same as every other fucking person on this planet, the children DO NOT GIVE A FUCK whether we like them or not and don’t need you to argue for them. They are simply not aware, nor are they on TWITTER, which is the biggest minefield of woke bullshit, to even see it.  

A very NOT Native American Person was recently recounting a story to me in which she told this guy off that she was ON A FIRST DATE with because he said he was a “native Angeleno” because that was somehow offensive to Native Americans. And y’all, she was HEATED about it. NATIVE IS AN INTERCHANGEABLE WORD THAT DOESN’T JUST APPLY TO NATIVE AMERICANS. It was ASSIGNED as a DEFINITION to differentiate between the Americans who lived on this piece of land first. Native is not a slur, it’s literally just an adjective that applies to plants, animals, and YES, people. 

(If you are Native American and feel I am wrong or you’re offended by it, please school me.) 

Our culture is at an impasse with this shit. It’s a superiority complex, need to flex, I’m smarter than you, I care more about others than you, awareness to “the times” that needs to be checked. By someone, I don’t know who. Because my little blog that thirty people read is not gonna create very substantial waves. In fact, I’ve probably offended at least six of those thirty people because of what I’ve said here, I’M SURE of it. 

But we need to acknowledge that the pendulum has swung WAY too far in the woke direction. We need to have some sort of middle ground. Where we allow people to make mistakes and/or say things that may not be perfectly PC on every single level and accounting for every single group of people. It’s EXHAUSTING to be offended by everything and to police what others say at all times, especially when they clearly have no cruel intentions. 

We need to protect those who feel persecuted or who are in the minority, of course. But there is a difference between hateful, bullying speech and innocent verbiage that isn’t rooted in racist, misogynistic, and homophobic history. Lets be able to acknowledge nuance again, for fuck’s sake.