Public Bathroom Etiquette

Did you know that the toilet seat in a public bathroom is probably cleaner than your toilet at home? Because it is bleached within an inch of its life at least once a day, unlike your filthy ass toilet which you probably clean once a week, AT MOST. 

So why tf are you squatting over all of these toilet seats in public places and spraying your urine all over the goddamn place?! And when there are TOILET SEAT COVERS AVAILABLE no less! WHY WOULD YOU NOT JUST USE THE TOILET SEAT COVER?! Your pristine ass won’t even touch the clean seat if you use a cover, one of the greatest inventions of modern history. 

If there isn’t a cover, you can use toilet paper to have a shield between your butt cheeks and the germ infested seat, which I have to do in every single bathroom in the midwest and NEW YORK (shame on you, NY) because they never have covers avail. 

When you decide to be a fucking psycho and squat instead, you make it so that everyone after you has to do the same, burning the fuck out of their quads and inner thighs and risking peeing on the seat, themselves, and the floor! And for WHAT!? Because the selfish person before them decided that they would rather have a glute workout than a nice, relaxing urination sesh.

FUCK YOU, MEGAN! If you’re gonna spray your bodily fluids all over a public space like some barnyard animal then at least clean it off! I get it that no one wants to do that, so just use a TOILET SEAT COVER like a functioning member of society so that you can avoid the whole debacle! 

Why do you think it’s okay to soil the preferred cocaine surface?! Where are the cokeheads supposed to do their lines now? Did you ever think of THEM, Megan?! (Sorry if your name is Megan and you adhere to the social norms that are expected of you.) 

I’m so tired of you gross girls peeing like you’re in a port-a-potty and not in a nice restaurant. If you are going to relieve yourself like a neanderthal then at least put the toilet seat up like the men have to do. It’s only fair. 

Published by loverlo

Actress, writer, lover. leskirvi@gmail.com

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